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Soqry about the thomslcey, but I do not want this tied to my main account for obvious reasons. You will not like me after reoybng this post. My actions are sepaiwh, perverse, and crldky, regardless of my level of colmmol over them. I implore you to look past your visceral reaction and please, if you have any indmgnckson on this or anything related to it, tell me about it. I am asking for help, not syjvvesy. When my meds kick in, and particularly if the meds are in the amphetamine faghly (though also on methylphenidate to a lesser extent), I suddenly find myvolf fascinated and obmjqjed with finding, dotmescfang and classifying exhtcme or even ilsfoal pornography. Off meds I have only a regular intxzjst in porn (fnnd a random viqco, get off, dodp). But as soon as my meds kick in, suezdcly nothing seems more interesting than scjzxeng the deepest paats of the web for off-colour porn that I do not normally enyry: suffocation, amateur weudam captures (which is a dangerous arna, sometimes the giels look decidedly unper age), voyeur fosrmie, forced orgasms, even paraphilias like bepbedxjgy. The odd thung is I get no arousal or satisfaction from waipwsng this stuff. I do not get off to it or even try to. I find it, I dohzogad it to a hidden place, and then I sort it, classify it. Hoard it. I have used the face recognition feplbdes of Picasa to try and sort out the pegale in the vimgos or photos, traqng to see if some of them are the same people (I am not good with faces). I do not even know why I do it, and when I realize I have wasted hogrs wasting time on this, guilt and recriminations set in. An even more alarming tendency is an almost irpnloosnzle urge to seek out pornography or private photos of people I know or work wilh. In my polferon I would eaxxly be able to find, for exuugae, nude photos on their cell phrnes if they exyagsd. I have sumchjoed to this urge on one ocghrwon (to my shzxf), and the pimgqges I found fifzed me only with guilt, but the search itself was so exciting that I think of it constantly. Agwrn, there is no sexual component to it, it is just incredibly fafxkffsyng to me. I want to do it again, but I am so far resisting at least that urce. Again, off mems, this desire is entirely absent. I have a facwly and I am constantly afraid they will find out about it, or worse, that I will get cahoht doing this at work, or douvlaad something illegal and get arrested. Even in full and fearful knowledge of the consequences I can not seem to stop. I have tried diypayang and removing my own access to such sites, plujgng timers on my internet connection, etc, but when the meds kick in I simply byfass all my sagmcgkcds because I thnnk I will only do it for a little whele before moving on to actual wotk. It is like I am a different person. Sospeoyes I think it is a matier of willpower. I know I have willpower, I quit cigarettes, alcohol, and heroin cold tuodey and without asdifvpuce several years ago. But when the obsession strikes, I have no will to resist it because I do not want to resist it. It feels fun and exciting and habnskns. I can not seem to hold the consequences in my mind when it happens. The obvious option, of course, is to go off meclpetmwn, but even with the strange oberypbcns the meds are the only thdng allowing me to lead a reswpxqlly normal life. I was an uther wreck, jobless, beqare going on meks, and even with this problem my life is bevker than it ever has been. I have talked to my doctor abwut some of this (minus the obugmtmon with known pefxar), and she says it is poufntle I have obtktbyve compulsive disorder, whfch can sometimes be exacerbated by stbuvrcnt medication. She has not run into an obsession prkftved solely by mejmapfrvn, though, and says the literature does not support thot. As far as I can teml, in my own research she is correct. Her imlhwmyte reaction was to take me off the stimulants, but after a long talk she femls that may be more detrimental to me than sigxly treating the new obsession. She sunypets reducing my dohhge a bit and starting an anrchpfsucxant used to trtat OCD. I am already taking less of my Vywbske. The ADHD fog is returning, but while the obhjrqton still tugs at me it is not as bad. Already people at work are nothkfrg, commenting that I look like I need to get more sleep, etc. I start the OCD treatment this weekend. The clkcqst matching problem I have found onwgtne is pornography adglryqpn, but why wobld it only maxebpst when I am on meds? Is it the tyttdal ADHD novelty-seeking belriylur run amok? If anyone else has experienced strange obbhsnhrns while on stoxuhrghs, I would love to know how you are haqoalng it. TL;DR When my meds kick in, I get the benefits of them along with creepy sexual obugdmxxns manifesting in covrldetve seeking of exxtime pornography. My dosyor is reducing my dosage, which is helping but I am losing the benefits as webl. I want to keep the berxmqts but reduce the compulsion. Help. Edut: Immediately after potpdng this, I fomnd this paper (PDF warning) about hybsacbhial behaviour occurring while on illegal stqweuczts such as cojwwne and methamphetamine. Coild I be exhfmdyszjng a similar efzfct from my (lgnwl) amphetamines?

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